Comebacks in my head
Working behind a bar, I have gotten a lot of weird comments. Some are bad pickup lines, some are strange requests, but I take them in stride and go with it. However, inside my head, I always think something snarky and mean. I just never say it out loud, because as a bartender I’m supposed to be nice and whatever. I will now begin to post some things said to me, and instead of what I actually said to these crazy people, I’ll post what I was saying in my mind.
White man in full-on sari: So where are you going later tonight? What are you doing?
My head: I actually work here, so I’ll be here. Cleaning up after you and that blue vodka drink you just spilled. I’m working, I don’t tend to just stand behind bars wearing all black and a nametag for kicks.
Definite ex-frat guy: Will you do a shot with me? We should dance on the bar!
My head: This is not Coyote Ugly, there is a wedding going on behind you with roses and dresses and cheesy Olivia Newton-John music. You’re the only one who seems to think you’re at a Vegas dive bar - but hey, classy look with your tie around your head. Go get yourself a bridesmaid.
Dude: I like Bud Light - what do you suggest I get to drink?
My head: ….. Bud Light. Dumb.
Spiked hair: You lived in New York? I partied there!
My head: No way - you partied somewhere in the entire state of New York? We should just run away and elope right now, this is ridiculous!
I’ll be adding more of my snarky thoughts as more stupid people talk to me.
